either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
