No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
