There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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