also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
