just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
