Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
