I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
