Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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