So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
