Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
