Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize