the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
