I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
