you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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