woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize