Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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