I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
