WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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