he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
