she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
