you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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