His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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