Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
