I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
