"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize