Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
