Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
