AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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