The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
