It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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