if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
