Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
