I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
