I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
