It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
