Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
