guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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