hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
