i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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