why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize