The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
