Come see our sink grown plant.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
