Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Let's get the cat blown out
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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