I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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