I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize