this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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