If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
