just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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