rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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