i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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