he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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