I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize