Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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