I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
