I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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