I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
