Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
