Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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