I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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