Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
