3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
operation have a gay friend backfired
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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