we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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