We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
