this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
