im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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