Umm I'm too high to move.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
