when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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