May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
