what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
