My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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