We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
