I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
