i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
