dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
