Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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