My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
