Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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