is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im six kinds of drunk right now
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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