New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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