Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
