I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize