basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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