So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
